


sing like we're losing everything

by lostin_space



Series: Sing. [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blood and Gore, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: The blade of his machete cut through the fucker's neck, but stopped halfway through as it clanged against another blade. Michael's eyebrows came together instantly in confusion. When the fuckers head fell off, another person stood across from him.A breathing person. A handsome person. A live person.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Sing. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838116
Comments: 27
Kudos: 102
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	sing like we're losing everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [manesalex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOLLY! I know I'm like a little bit late, but not TOO late. I hope you enjoy this as I've been giving hint to this forever and I'm glad to finally get it out there. Special thanks to insidious-intent on tumblr (I will come back and put a hyperlink when i'm less exhausted) and everyone else who hyped the heck out of this every time I posted a sneak peek. Hope everyone has fun!

“Michael!”

“Liz!”

_ “Michael!” _

Michael ran through the empty Walmart, headed for wherever Liz was calling for him from. He could hear her screaming and could only imagine what was happening and could only run faster. He hated taking her. He loved her and she was smart and she could do damage, but she was small and easy to lose. Too many fuckers were taller than her and he could never see where she was.

“Liz?!” he called as he had to slow down. In the stupid electronics section, a hoard of fuckers had accumulated and he could only assume Liz was somewhere on the other side. His stomach dropped when half of them started turning towards him. “Liz, you okay?” 

“Alive!”

“Good enough,” he said. Michael quickly retrieved his 9” fillet knife and his 17” machete from their respective sheaths. Another, shorter knife was tucked into his waistband and two more were strapped to his calves. Could never be too careful. “Bring it on.”

Slowly but surely, Michael began making his way through the hoard by aiming for heads. Beheading was much easier to achieve on rotting flesh. The fillet knife worked wonders when going through eyesockets and trying to fuck up the brain. He moved fast and relentless. He didn’t stop until they were all on the floor and he could barely breathe.

“Liz?” he asked, desperately gasping for breath. He’d gotten his cardio for the day, that’s for sure.

“Mikey,” Liz responded. He leaned against the counter and smiled when he saw her climbing out of one of the glass containers beneath it. If there was one good thing about her being so small, that was it. Well, that and her unmatched ability to run through a whole group of fuckers and not even get scratched. 

He accepted the hug that she threw at him, squeezing her tight. As talented as she was at not getting hurt, it never failed to scare him when it got risky. She was basically the only one left that didn’t annoy him.

“Did you at least find what you were looking for?” he asked, tucking fallen strands of her braid behind her ear. She gave him a smile that was only slightly affected by the adrenaline in her system and held up her bag. Inside was shampoo, hand sanitizer, and curl cream. He couldn’t help but laugh. “I swear to God, if I get killed because of that shit next time, we’re gonna fight.”

“Can’t wait.”

Neither of them had to wait very long when something grazed Michael’s back.

The fight instinct in him caused him to spin around. The fucker was close enough to grab him and Michael could feel his pulse rise. This could only go bad. Still, he swung. If he was going to die, he was going to die fighting.

The blade of his machete cut through the fucker's neck, but stopped halfway through as it clanged against another blade. Michael's eyebrows came together instantly in confusion. When the fuckers head fell off, another person stood across from him.

A breathing person. A handsome person. A  _ live _ person.

He didn't know there was anyone left outside of his group. Seeing another person alive made his mind go blank. Sure, logically, there had to be at least someone else out there. But someone so close? Someone right here at the same time?

“Who are you?” Liz asked from behind him. Michael and the man still were standing blade to blade like they were in a fight scene. Her small hand moved around him and pressed to the center of his chest, pulling him away from the stranger.

“Did it scratch you?” the stranger said instead, looking straight at Michael. He looked like he was their age with dark, outgrown hair and facial hair. He looked like he hadn’t slept or bathed in days and his clothes were on in layers like he didn’t have anywhere safe to sleep.

“No,” Michael said, “Are you by yourself?”

"Who are you?" Liz asked again, firmer this time like she was really not going to put up with them skirting around the subject.

"Captain Alex Manes, Air Force," he answered, voice strict. It made Michael wonder when the last time this guy had seen another living person. “And you?”

“I’m Michael, this is Liz,” Michael said, ignoring the way Liz’s fist tightened on his arm. The guy was still just staring at them. “Are… are you alone?”

“Yes,” Alex said, looking between them, “You’re not.”

“We have people waiting for us where it’s safe. Do you have a safe place to go?” Michael wondered. Liz clutched him tighter, tight enough to make him look back at her. She gave him a very stern look and that just confused him more.

“She doesn’t want you to bring a stranger home,” Alex filled in. Michael looked back at him and saw that he seemed even more tired than before. It was like the last bit of hope in him had been snatched away. 

“Okay, but he needs somewhere safe, we all do,” Michael argued as he looked to Liz. She sighed.

“Times are bad, Michael, it’s not safe to bring a stranger in,” she said as if he wasn’t right there. Michael knew she was right. He knew that people had gone insane after this whole thing had started, hurting each other as if that was going to help. He knew that, if anyone was left, they probably had a strong “Us vs. Everything” mentality. But the problem was Alex was completely alone. 

“He just helped kill that thing. And we could take precautions. But would you want to be left on your own?” Michael said. Liz looked at him like he was skipping steps. They hadn’t had a single conversation with this guy and he was already trying to bring him home like a stray dog. But Michael was ready to go home and he wasn’t ready to let someone else go die. Too many people had died already.

“It’s fine. I don’t know you either, I don’t need help,” Alex said sternly.

“If you’re alone, you’ll die. You can only save yourself for so long. And there’s no reason you would’ve come to save me if you didn’t think that maybe you’d found someone else so you weren’t alone,” Michael shot back, “We took you in when you had no place to go, Liz. Why can’t we take someone else in?” They all fell silent for a moment as they mulled over the options.

Michael didn’t see how there were any other options. They were safer in numbers.

“You can come back with us and discuss it with everyone else,” Liz decided. Michael grinned and Alex simply stared with wide eyes. “You look like you could use a safe place to get a good night’s sleep.”

A couple more beats of silence passed before Alex whispered, “Thank you.”

They made their way back to the truck, quickly tying their finds down in the bed before sliding into the bench seat and heading back to the farm. Michael drove and Liz sat between them. Alex very obviously fought to keep his eyes open, but it was clear he hadn’t slept in a while. Not properly, at least. Michael felt a familiar wave of pride come over him that he could give someone a safe place to rest their head.

Elms Farm was the place Michael had called home since he was sixteen. He worked there for an elderly couple who treated him like he was their own son. It was the best family he’d ever had. It was to the point that he was in their will and, after Mr. Elms died a few years prior, the whole property had been left to Michael. Mrs. Elms had only passed recently.

Whenever shit hit the fan, Michael was blessed with property that had no people for a few acres in all directions. He took care of everything and tried to pretend it was normal. He checked the fence daily, he took water from the creek, he ate dinner alone. He hadn’t realized how lonely he’d been until he wasn’t alone anymore.

When they pulled up to the farm, Isobel was already waiting outside. She put her hand over her mouth and visibly relaxed whenever she saw them. She was always so worried, but Michael loved her for it. There was nothing better than coming out of a scary situation to a big hug from someone who loved you.

Maria, Kyle, and Max came out as they parked and Michael got out of the truck first. They all greeted him, but Isobel was the one who wrapped him up in her arms while the other three went to unload their findings from the truck.

“There was a close call,” Michael admitted, his eyes closing as Isobel hugged him tighter. He could hear her breathing in his ear and he was able to relax.

“Who’s this?” Max said, a tone in his voice that threatened to take away Michael’s relaxation. Isobel patted his hair and kissed his temple in subtle retaliation.

“It’s okay,” Isobel said, unwrapping him from her grasp so he could deal with Max. Still, she gave him a kind smile. “I’ll go make dinner.”

“Captain Alex Manes, Air Force,” Alex introduced, voice stilted as it was before. Michael rolled his eyes.

“He’s alone and needs a place to stay,” Michael said, feeling redundant.

Max gave him a look that was a much crueler version of the one Liz had given him. “Can I speak with you inside?”

Michael rolled his eyes again, but allowed Max to pull him inside to have a “quiet” talk.

“We don’t know who he is, he could be dangerous,” Max hissed. 

“So could literally all of you, but I welcomed you into my house. It is my house, by the way, in case you’re forgetting,” Michael said. He had significantly less patience for Max than he did anyone else. “I know I usually make decisions as a group, but if you’re making a decision to throw someone to the wolves, I’m just gonna have to veto it.”

“And what if he’s dangerous?” Max demanded.

“Then I’ll make him leave. As for right now, he’s just a guy,” Michael sighed, “Plus, he’s really good with a machete, probably good with other shit, and probably has damn good survival instincts if he was able to survive this long by himself. I think we should give him a chance, he might be a good addition.”

Michael and Max stared at each other for a moment. Max tried to stare him down, but it didn’t really work and eventually, he caved. 

“Fine, but if he fucks us over, it’s on you,” Max said. Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

“Obviously.”

They walked back outside and saw Alex helping them unload the food and other items they’d gotten. Michael looked over to Max with a  _ ‘see?’  _ look that just made him scowl. He tried to remember why he let him stay in the first place.

“Alex,” Michael said, easily getting his attention, “Come here, I’ll show you where you can sleep and I’ll give you a clean change of clothes.” Alex stared over at him with wide eyes, but slowly listened and followed him back inside.

“You don’t have to give me a change of clothes,” Alex said.

“Don’t be silly.”

Michael led him to the master bedroom which got a very confused look from Alex. He looked like he was ready to deny it, but Michael spoke before he could.

“I’m going to eventually bring a mattress up to the attic for you. I think it’s really important for everyone to have some semblance of privacy. Until then, you can take my bed and I’ll sleep with Isobel. I’d put you in the living room with her, but, no offense, I’d rather we get to know each other first before you sleep alone with one of us,” Michael explained. Alex nodded.

“Absolutely, none taken,” Alex said, letting out a slow breath. Michael could see the weight of everyone on his shoulders. He understood it well.

“There’s a well on the land for drinking water and there’s a creek a little ways behind the house that we use for bathing and washing clothes. We all pull our weight around here when it comes to cooking, cleaning, getting water from the well, hunting, and getting supplies. I’m assuming that won’t be a problem,” Michael went on.

“Absolutely not. I can’t really cook, but I can hunt and get supplies, obviously,” Alex said, “I’m good at keeping myself alive.”

“And others,” Michael chimed in, giving him a smile. Alex stared at him for a moment. Michael only broke eye contact whenever he walked towards the dresser that once held Mr. and Mrs. Elms’ clothes. He hadn’t moved them there until Max and Isobel had shown up at the door two weeks after everything had gone downhill. “Anyway, here’s some clothes. You can change and sleep, then we can properly introduce you to everyone. I’m sure you’re fucking tired after being out there for so long by yourself. There’s a lock on the door too if it makes you feel better.”

“Thank you, man, seriously. I really don’t know how much longer I would’ve been able to last out there,” Alex said, accepting the clothes with gracious hands.

Michael gave him a warm smile.

“No problem.”

-

Turns out, having a veteran with determination from God himself was beneficial to everyone.

“God, his *arms,” Maria sighed as Alex pumped water from the well into jugs. Everyone agreed that was a good task for him and it had absolutely nothing to do with how hot he looked doing it.

“His arms? What about his ass,” Isobel pointed out.

“Guys, guys, stop sexualizing him,” Michael insisted, “Why don’t we talk about more important topics? Like about how he manages to have fucking abs in the middle of an apocalypse.”

The girls laughed alongside him, but he couldn’t help but feel it a little more than they did. He’d learned from the last week of getting to know Alex that he was unfathomably attracted to him. He was clean and wellrested now which made him a million times hotter and it didn’t help that he was ridiculously fucking smart and kind. Somehow, in all the bullshit of the world, Alex could still smile and be funny and sweet and… so fucking hot.

“You think he’s into guys?” Isobel asked, nudging him gently. Michael rolled his eyes and focused on peeling the potato in his hand. Or, tried. It was hard when Alex took his shirt off to wipe the sweat off his face all while glistening in the fucking sun like a god.

“I think we’re at the end of the world and I shouldn’t be thinking about dumb things like if a boy likes me, much less be trying to sleep with anyone,” Michael said. Maria scoffed dramatically.

“I disagree. This is literally the time to think of nothing else,” she insisted.

“Mm, speaking of,” a voice hummed from behind them. All their eyes snapped to Kyle who was lingering behind them. He gave them all a nod in greeting, clearly exhausted from spending all morning with Max checking the land and the crops. Isobel gave him a smile and tilted her head back against his stomach when he walked up behind her. Michael watched as he leaned down and kissed her. Sometimes they gave him hope that maybe the end of the world wasn’t _really_ the end.

“Oh, come on, there’s people here,” Maria said, but she still gave them a smile and a shake of her head. 

“Michael, you goin’ into town tomorrow? We’re gonna need more bottles with another body around and the guy still needs a mattress,” Kyle pointed out. Michael nodded and dropped the potato into the bowl.

“Yeah, I was gonna get him to come with me,” Michael said. Both of them ignored the girl’s cooing at the suggestion. “He survived out there for a long ass time by himself, I think he’s the best to take with me from now on.”

“And that has absolutely nothing to do with the way his ass fills out your jeans better than yours does?” Maria clarified. Michael shot her a look.

“Don’t scare him off,” Kyle added with a laugh, “He’s cool.”

“I’m not going to scare him off!” Michael defended. He didn’t like the way they all looked at him really skeptically. “What the fuck, I didn’t scare any of you off.”

“You also didn’t want to sleep with us,” Isobel noted. Michael rolled his eyes and stood up.

“Whatever, I’m gonna go ask Alex if he _platonically_ wants to come with me," he said, throwing them a middle finger at the continued cooing. 

Michael made his way out towards the well where Alex was crouched and tightening the tops of the jugs. He looked up whenever he heard him come close. Up close, his skin was dark and shiny and his facial hair had been tended to recently. It was overwhelming to say the least. It felt like a glaring sign that it'd been over a year since he hooked up with anyone. God help him.

"Hey, so I need to go into town tomorrow so I can finally get you a mattress," Michael said, "You wanna come?" 

Alex slowly stood up, "Yeah, sure." 

"Good, good. Cool. Awesome," Michael said. Alex gave a little grin and nodded.

"Cool," he repeated and then lifted one of the jugs onto his shoulder. Michael licked his lips and tried not to think about his bicep.

"Cool."

The next day, Michael woke up with the sunrise and found Alex already in the kitchen. He was shirtless and fucking gorgeous and it was a sight to see, but he tried to bury that down. This wasn’t the time for that. It probably never would be unless a cure was found and he could allow to focus on things like romantic relationships.

“Here you go,” Alex said with a smile, handing him a plate. Michael’s eyebrows raised.

“You made eggs? You built a fire this early to make eggs?” he asked. Alex gave a small smile and shrugged. Michael tried to brush it off and not think about him too much.

However, being alone with him and relying on each other not to die made it kind of hard _not_ to think about him.

“So, what’s the best way to go about this? I’m trying to think about the safest way to get a mattress,” Michael said as they drove into town. Every venture into town was a risky one and, wherever they went, they’d have to move fast. The longer they took, the more they risked running into one of the fuckers which risked their lives. Wherever they went, it needed to be somewhere they could get out fast.

“Maybe we can just go to a neighborhood, try to sneak into an empty house?” Alex suggested. Michael nodded, looking over at him. 

“Good idea.”

Slowly but surely, Michael found a pretty empty neighborhood. He drove a couple of laps around a cul de sac before parking in a house with the front door open. 

“Okay, we’ll just see what we can find and get out before we attract any attention,” Michael said. Alex nodded easily, grabbing his machete from where it laid beside Michael’s and running his fingers over the blade. Michael grabbed his own.

Quietly, they made their way inside. It looked abandoned, but not ransacked which was good. Alex nodded towards the hall and Michael jutted his thumb towards the kitchen before they parted ways.

The kitchen looked pristine as if not a damn person had gone through it since shit hit the fan. Michael opened the cabinets and thanked whoever might be listening for the number of cans he found. He pulled his backpack to the front and began loading it with any food that was still edible. A quick look inside the refrigerator revealed a lot of rotting food, but also a load of water bottles. He was beginning to think Alex was a good luck charm.

“Michael,” Alex called softly. Michael quickly scanned the room before looking towards Alex. He waved him over. Michael zipped up the bag and went down the hall, peeking into every room he passed before reaching the one Alex was in. “I figured this would be the easiest to move.”

“Fuck,” Michael breathed as he took in the bedroom that very clearly belonged to a child. The walls were decorated with planets and the ceiling had glow in the dark stars while the carpet doubled as a road map that must’ve gone with the giant toy box of Hot Wheels. The bed had spaceship themed sheets and blankets. “Poor kid.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, “Maybe they’re somewhere safe. It looks like they got out fast.” Michael appreciated his positivity as bed he could and nodded.

“Yeah, maybe.”

The quickly stripped the bed of its sheets and stuffed them into Alex’s backpack before lifting the small mattress and beginning to maneuver it towards the front door. They both moved fast, not even trying to push their time limits as they strapped it down in the bed of the truck. After it was secure, they both looked around and saw not a single sign of any dead people roaming about.

“Should we raid the other houses?” Alex asked, “I mean, we can never have too much.”

“True, we might as well while it’s clear,” Michael agreed. They emptied their backpacks in the back seat of the truck before going back inside to see what else they could salvage.

“Where do you think they all go when it’s clear like this?” Alex wondered as they began stuffing their bags with food, toiletries, and blankets.

“I don’t know. They usually come in hoards.”

“Yeah, it’s like they’re migrating. Do you think if we went up north, it’d be empty?”

“Couldn’t tell you. Right now, I don’t want to leave. My farm is safe.”

“So it is your farm?”

Michael laughed, “Yeah, why?”

“Well, I know Max tends to act like big man on campus,” Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, he does that. It’s my farm, in my name. I’ve lived there since I was sixteen,” he admitted. Alex raised his eyebrows and nodded.

“Wow,” he said, “How did you find everyone?”

Michael shrugged one shoulder and made his way into the master bedroom with Alex right behind him. In the closet, there was a duffle bag that Michael quickly made claim on before shifting through the clothing. They were all on about two outfits a piece, most of which were originally Michael’s. While diverse clothing options wasn’t exactly a top priority, it wasn’t a bad thing to feel a little bit more normal.

“Isobel and Max are twins that the Elms’ fostered back in the day. By the time I moved in, they there about to move out and go to college, we only had about a year overlap before I didn’t see them much except holidays. Whenever things went downhill, they just came home,” Michael explained, taking one of the dresses that was in Isobel’s size, “I stumbled upon Kyle, Liz, and Maria when I was hunting. They had a bigger group, but they got attacked and most of ‘em didn’t make it, so they’d been hiding out in a fucking tent in the woods for a few days, so I took ‘em in.”

“Jeez, you’re a much better person than most people,” Alex breathed. Michael furrowed his eyebrows and gave him a confused smile.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, a lot of people would shut everyone else out. Fuck, your own group didn’t even wanna let me in because I was a stranger. You’re so open,” Alex praised. Michael felt his cheeks grow hot.

“Yeah, I mean, when times are like this, there’s no reason to make it worse by exiling people who haven’t done anything wrong,” he explained, “When I was a kid and I had a pretty sketchy past, the Elms’ took me in and gave me a roof over my head and affection. That shit makes a difference. I’m not gonna be the one to deprive someone of that.”

Alex huffed a laugh and shook his head. Michael watched him for a moment, watched the way he smiled and watched the way he pushed his hair out of his face. God, why couldn’t he have met him before the apocalypse?

“We should start heading back. We can always come back here and see what else we can find,” Alex said suddenly. It very quickly became apparent that Michael had been caught staring. Well, shit.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

"I'm sure you're ready to have your bed back," Alex said as they slowly made their way out of the neighborhood, "You know, even though I told you I could sleep on the floor."

"No, I don't want anyone sleeping on the floor," Michael chuckled, running a hand through his hair, "I want it to feel like home."

Alex raised his chin and cocked his head to the side. "You like playing daddy, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" Michael fumbled out, trying not to think about how dry his mouth felt.

"I mean, you take so much pride in making it feel like home. You take people in, like you said, and you give them what they need. You’re like the resident father figure,” Alex commented. Michael huffed.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far.”

“I would.”

This time, Michael caught Alex staring.

For the next few weeks, Michael found basically any excuse to go back into town with Alex. They’d go to new neighborhoods and slowly make their way through the houses. They got along, it was fun. Michael liked spending time with him, even to the point that killing the stray corpse they came across no longer felt like it took a piece of him.

He learned about Alex, too. He learned that he’d served almost ten years in the Air Force and had just decided to try something new whenever everything happened. Sometime a few weeks in, Alex’s father had been reckless and gotten turned and that he hadn’t heard from his brothers since the very beginning of it all. After that, Alex had survived so long on his own by sleeping in tiny, tight spaces that required too much effort for the average fucker to approach.

He even apparently saw Michael and Liz go into that store and took a chance by following them.

“I was sorta expecting you guys to just leave me, but I had to try. I couldn’t keep on like that, I was getting, like, an hour of sleep at a time,” Alex admitted as they lounged on one of the couches in this fancy house they’d come across. It was probably a little morbid, but it didn’t seem to matter. It was the only time they could chill and talk without someone breathing down their neck or making suggestive eyebrow movements. Yeah, Alex was hot, but he was a lot more than that.

“Well, I’m glad you approached us, you saved my ass,” Michael said. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, you had ‘em.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Things were easy with Alex. Sometimes he was even able to forget just how bad everything was‒Alex was just that good. Life felt a bit more than just a fight until the inevitable whenever they were talking. It was the highlight of his week, his life even.

“Oh shit, look,” Alex said from the kitchen of some fancy house. Michael quickly pulled his fillet knife out and prepared to attack whatever was in there, but instead found Alex standing with a smirk and an unopened bottle of champagne. Michael slowly put the knife down. “When’s the last time you had alcohol?”

“Can’t even remember.”

“Me neither.”

It took a little effort, but they eventually popped it open. The two of them divulged into hushed laughter at the loud _pop_ , shushing each other and the bottle. Once they fell silent, Michael smiled at him and then did a quick scan of the room before going to lock all the doors.

“We’re gonna have fun and not have to worry about bullshit for just a few minutes,” Michael said, promising more himself than Alex as he sealed them alone together by locking all the doors. 

“Sounds fucking great to me,” Alex agreed and he took a swig directly from the bottle. For a moment, Michael let himself get lost in it. Just him, a hot guy, and a bottle of fucking champagne. What could go wrong?

“I wish we had fucking music,” Michael groaned, walking back towards him. Alex grinned a large, intoxicating grin.

“Who needs music? C’mere,” he urged. Michael obeyed without a second thought. Alex grabbed his chin and tilted his head back, pouring champagne into his mouth and over the front of his shirt. It just resulted in more laughter and leaning closer and the outright sinful act of Alex wiping up champagne from his chin and licking it off. 

“You are...” Michael started, but simply finish his sentence with a laugh instead of words. It was hard to say anything outright, but it was easy to watch Alex take another sip and hand the bottle over. It was easy to accept it and it was easy to taste Alex on the mouth of the bottle. 

They were half a bottle in whenever Alex leaned forward and fluttered those dark eyelashes. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Literally anything,” Michael said honestly.

“I feel free for the first time in my life,” Alex whispered, suddenly so damn close, “And it’s all because of you.”

“Me?” Michael asked softly, tipsy eyes flickering down to Alex’s lips and staying there. It didn’t help when Alex licked those same lips and leaned a bit closer.

“You gave me a place to stay and you made sure I was welcome no matter what. No matter who I might be, what I might do,” Alex said. Michael finally dragged his eyes up to Alex’s and found it impossible not to lean in just close enough for their noses to touch. He’d wanted this since the first week he’d met Alex. He had sort of lost track of how long Alex had been staying with them, but he knew it’d been a while. He’d wanted this for a while.

“Is this where you tell me you’re a bad guy, tie me up, and steal all my things?” Michael asked curiously. Alex’s smile took over his whole face and he chuckled, shaking his head against Michael's.

“No, this,” he said, “is where I tell you that you are fucking gorgeous.”

“Oh, cool, that’s a lot better than you being a bad guy,” Michael said. Or, perhaps it was the champagne talking because that felt like an insanely stupid thing to say after it left his mouth. Still, Alex breathed a laugh and moved his hand to rest on Michael’s cheek. He leaned into the warm hand and felt his whole body malfunction when his thumb touched his bottom lip.

“You are the best thing about this entire shitty planet,” Alex went on. Michael’s eyes fell closed. “And I… I think we should probably go home before we get too drunk to drive on even empty roads.”

Michael’s eyes snapped right back open just in time to see Alex stepping away. He didn’t know what to say to make it go back to before. All he knew was that he wanted at least one kiss and that he wasn’t going to get anything. So much for a good day.

“Right, right, let’s go," he agreed, gulping softly as Alex turned away from him and recorked the bottle. Michael had to shake his head a few times to get out of the daze Alex had put him in. 

They both drank the rest of the water they had on them to clear their minds of the alcohol before awkwardly heading out of the house. In all the time he’d known Alex, it had never been awkward. He didn’t like it. He almost wished they’d never had an almost kiss in the first place if it meant they weren’t going to be able to be comfortable with each other. However, he would give it some time before he jumped to those conclusions. Well, technically, he’d already jumped to them, but Alex didn’t need to know that.

So, instead of trying to make the tonal shift more apparent, Michael simply got in his truck and began making the drive back to the farm. It would be easier once they got there. They wouldn’t be stuck alone and Michael could whine to the girls about how fucking stupid he was. Alex had just found a place where he was welcome‒why would he want to ruin that by hooking up with Michael? He wouldn’t. He _didn’t_.

“Pull over,” Alex demanded halfway back to the farm.

“What?” Michael asked, looking over at him. Alex was staring forward, but his eyes were set in that determined way that he only saw him use whenever they came across a fucker or two. It made Michael nervous.

“Just‒ _ pull over _ !”

“Jesus,  _ okay,”  _ Michael scoffed, slamming on the breaks and throwing the truck into park. All of which he had barely enough time to do before Alex had a fistful of his hair and was kissing him senselessly.

Michael barely hesitated before kissing back, pulling Alex closer by his clothes. The shirt that actually belonged to Michael was wrapped around his hand and his thumb was pressed to the soft skin of his hip. Alex couldn’t seem to get close enough, pressing flush against him even despite the small space of the truck and putting his knee between Michael’s thighs which was just fucking unfair. 

It only stopped whenever they were both gasping for breath in a way that kisses never usually left them. Michael held him close, keeping his eyes closed to let it all sink in. If he were to die in the next few seconds, he would die happy. He was everything.

“I just needed to do that,” Alex said, gulping softly. Michael felt his eyelashes against his cheek which felt just as mind-warping as the kiss itself. “But we can’t do that again.”

Michael let out a dry laugh, not pushing him away as he opened his eyes. Alex was still staring at him. “Why not?”

“Look around. The world’s going to shit. We can’t get distracted by things like romance,” Alex said. Michael shook his head and smiled.  _ Romance. _

“I think we could find time for it,” Michael whispered. Alex shook his head.

“I’m not going to get you killed, so it’s best we just not. I just… needed to do that once,” Alex admitted. Michael nodded in understanding, rubbing up and down Alex’s side before allowing him to get back into his seat. “I… I don’t know if sexuality even matters in this version of the world, but I  _ am _ gay and I  _ am _ into you. We just… can’t.”

“I get it,” Michael said, staring towards the empty road and tried to shake the feeling of Alex on him. That wasn’t exactly helpful when he could still taste him. “I wish we could, but I get it. It’s just not the time to be putting effort into a relationship when we have to put all our effort into surviving.”

“Precisely,” Alex agreed.

“And maybe one day… If things calm down."

“If things calm down, yeah, then we can revisit.”

“Yeah, totally,” Michael breathed, “But… for what it’s worth, I’m bisexual and I’ve been into you since basically the beginning. Nothing’s hotter than a man wielding a machete.” Alex laughed softly.

“Says the guy who fucking walks around with a five knife minimum.”

“I am very self-aware, Alex.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

A few little laughs and exchanged glances later, Michael was able to put the car in drive, be an adult, and pretend he wasn’t in love with a guy who he couldn’t be with.

-

_ “Michael!” _

_ Michael dropped the hoe at the sound of Mrs. Elms’ scream, bolting towards the car that had just erratically pulled up. She didn't even turn it off as she threw open the door and stumbled to him. She was a plump, elderly woman with graying hair that she wore in a long plait down her back every single day he had known her. Today, the plait was undone. _

_ "What's wrong?" he asked, feeding off her frantic energy and becoming stressed himself. She hung onto his arms, catching her breath. He couldn’t understand how she’d been out of breath when it took at least twenty minutes to drive here from the entrance of town. He still held onto her. “What’s wrong?” _

_ “I can’t‒ I don’t‒ Have you heard the news?” she asked, shaking her head. He shook his head. He had never been so confused in his damn life. _

_ “Mrs. Elms, what’s going on?” Michael said. She took a deep, heavy breath and then looked up at him. _

_ “The dead are on their feet,” she said. Michael froze. He waited for her to say she was joking even though she was never one to make jokes like that. “I don’t know what’s happening. I just… I went into town and it felt normal, but people were chatting and Mary stopped me on the street to ask if I’d heard. She told me that there were sightings of the dead rising and-and, oh, she showed me a video and it was downright  _ horrible. _ ” _

_ “I don’t understand,” Michael said. She shook her head. _

_ “Then big military trucks appeared out of nowhere. I hadn’t even made it to the grocer!” she exclaimed, “They were telling people to go back into their homes because of what was happening. Take shelter and all that. But I think it was too late.” _

_ “You’re scaring me.” _

_ “I saw one with my own two eyes, Michael,” Mrs. Elms’ said, again losing her breath, “I rushed home as soon as I could to make sure you were still okay. We gotta take shelter, son.”  _

_ “I-I don’t get it. What’s going on? It’s like zombies? Like, from movies and stuff?” Michael asked. He couldn’t rationalize what she was saying. It didn’t make sense in his mind. She nodded. _

_ “Oh, it was horrible.” _

_ “Okay, it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay,” Michael promised, nodding his head as he pulled her into a hug. She was panicked, but it was going to be okay. He could take care of them, he knew he could. She took him in when things were bad for him and now that things were bad in the world‒if she was right‒then he could take care of her. “Please, just calm down.” _

_ Michael led her inside and made her a cup of tea and instantly started searching. He found proof of everything she’d said and even a president issued message telling people that the military would be coming to take care of it. Michael didn’t really believe that and decided he would just protect him and Mrs. Elms and that was it. He could do that. _

_ He spent the next few hours barricading the windows and doors, only going outside once more to grab his machete from the shed. He decided he would venture out for food and other things the next morning when it would be safest. _

_ Except, when he woke up, the house was empty. _

_ While none of the barricades seemed to be moved, Mrs. Elms was gone. He called for her and got no reply. He searched and came up with nothing. It stressed him out more and more until he eventually found himself borderline hysterical. He’d given himself one job, simply to protect her, and he’d failed already. _

_ It was eight hours after sunrise when he found that she’d died under her bed. The only logical thing he could come up with was that she’d panicked so much that she hid there and then the panic led to either a heart attack or a stroke or something he didn’t even know about. His hysteria turned into grief sooner than he’d anticipated. _

_ Michael laid there on the ground with her stiff body for hours, trying to think of what to do next. Things were getting worse and now he was alone. What the fuck was he supposed to do? What was the point anymore? He’d barely had the fucking chance to understand what was going on and now he was alone. This was bullshit. Someone too powerful was playing a very,  _ very  _ cruel joke on him. _

_ When night fell again, Mrs. Elms stirred. _

_ “Mrs. Elms?” he whispered, watching her stir. It was slow and disturbing in the darkness. Hope flooded through them that she was okay and he wouldn’t have to go through whatever was to come alone. But Michael wasn’t stupid. This wasn’t a happy ending.  _

_ Mrs. Elms turned towards him, eyes glazed over and baring her teeth. She hissed and made a low, animalistic groan. Michael’s bottom lip quivered. This was what was left of the only family he’d ever known. This is what it had come to. And, somehow, it got even worse. Whatever this was didn’t even need you to be infected. Everyone already was. _

_ It was airborne. _

_ “Oh, God,” Michael whined. He’d never felt so helpless and childish in his life. He didn’t want to deal with this. He wished it was like a spider and, if he just turned his head, the problem would scurry off for someone else to deal with. But it wasn’t and he couldn’t because she was getting closer and reaching for him. For the first time, he was scared of her. _

_ It took longer than he would ever admit. It was more brutal than he would ever like to think about. He was quite sure he blacked it out, in fact, since the next thing he knew he was burying a badly mutilated version of his last family member in the backyard while covered in her blood. _

_ - _

_ “Alex!” _

The panic that built-in Michael’s chest was too familiar, too painful. After their kiss, Michael and Alex had stopped going into town so much. It made it easier to deal with their agreement whenever they weren’t forced to be alone. But they used the last of their lighters and Michael was convinced that if he had to stare at Max try to rub two sticks together to light a fire for any longer he would lose it. So the two of them went into town.

Michael went into the little convenience store and filled his bag with lighters and bandaids and then suddenly he was alone. He called for Alex, searched for him, and consistently came up with nothing. He tried to keep calm at first, but how could he? Alex was gone.

“Alex!” he screamed. Michael couldn’t care less about what he might attract by being loud. It didn’t matter as long as he found Alex. 

This wasn’t fair. He couldn’t lose him like this. He would never forgive himself if he brought him out and then never saw him again. Or, worse, saw him again and he wasn’t alive. That sounded like torture. He finally found someone he wanted to be with and he wasn’t going to get the chance.

“Alex!” Michael continued to scream, feeling his eyes building with water as he continued to walk through the vacated street. He was in the middle of town, but instead it was full of ransacked buildings, abandoned cars, and trash. Up the street, there was a military base that had also since been abandoned. That felt like a good place to head when searching for a military man.

But the idea that he’d gone without telling Michael was concerning.

There was a different kind of loneliness that came when someone you care about vanished into thin air. It was something that Michael knew in his bones, even if the first time had only lasted so many hours, and it ached. It was worry that never ended, suffocation that never actually killed him, fear that warped the mind.

A shaky breath squeezed out of Michael’s lungs and he had to stop, grabbing a lamp post and trying to steady himself. However, that didn’t really work as fat tears started to fall over his cheeks. He knew, logically, that this wasn’t good. He was making himself vulnerable for any fucker who might’ve heard him or caught his scent. But he couldn’t pull himself up.

“Alex!” he cried out one last time. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair.  _ This wasn’t fair. _

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to get yourself killed?” Alex's voice hissed out of nowhere. Air shoved back into Michael’s chest so fast that it made him breathless all over again. His panic drained and left him lightheaded. Alex was looking at him like he was crazy, but Michael didn’t care. He relaxed against the lamp post. “Are-are you  _ crying?” _

“You can’t do that. You can’t just leave. You have people that-that care about you now, you can’t just  _ leave _ ,” Michael vented, shaking his head. Alex stared at him for a moment, jaw tense. He gave a quick scan around the area first before taking a step towards Michael.

“Okay, just-just stop crying. I’m here, I didn’t leave,” Alex promised, grabbing Michael and pulling him into his chest. Michael buried his face into Alex’s neck and hung onto his waist. Alex’s slim fingers weaved through Michael’s curls, shushing him softly. “I didn’t leave, I was just looking around.”

“You didn’t tell me, you can’t do that, you scared the shit out of me,” Michael breathed, relaxing as Alex’s nails scratched at his scalp. “You can’t do that. You just can’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered. He held him for a little while longer, until his breathing evened again, before he whispered, “I found something, though. I think you’ll like it.”

Michael didn’t let go. “What’d you find?”

Alex grabbed ahold of his neck and used his thumb to urge his jaw up to look him in the eye. Michael obeyed easily. There was something about Alex that he couldn’t say no to. Looking at him like this and feeling like he did, he wanted to kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. Fuck the current state of the world‒that gave him all the more reason to make the most of the time he had left. He didn’t, though.

“Come see,” Alex said softly, combing through his hair and then using his thumb to wipe away any stray tears, “Please don’t cry over me anymore.”

“Don’t fucking scare me and I won’t,” Michael shot back. Alex smiled and nodded.

“Okay, I promise. Now get your fancy knives and c’mon.”

Michael stayed close to Alex as he led the way. Even though Alex was fine and here, residual anxiety still stayed in his stomach and his fingers were still shaking. He wondered if Alex would hug him again or if he could just go home. Instead, he just went along with wherever Alex was taking him.

They made it to the abandoned makeshift military base that lasted all of a week after everything went down. Alex seemed to know just how to get inside and led Michael by the hand through the dark hallway with a dull flashlight. Eventually, Alex stopped walking and Michael stepped right up behind him.

“What is it?”

“A hospital-grade generator,” Alex said, a light air in his voice. Michael gulped slightly and grabbed a fist full of Alex’s shirt.

“You mean…”

“Yeah,” Alex breathed, “Running water.”

It took about an hour to get the massive fucking generator into the bed of the truck, but it served as a fantastic distraction. Michael was able to calm down enough from his freakout that he felt comfortable enough to drive, albeit very slowly. 

“Mrs. Elms went missing,” Michael admitted halfway through the drive. He didn’t bother providing much more information and Alex didn’t ask. Instead, he put his hand on his thigh and squeezed.

When they got back to the farm, exhaustion had all but taken over Michael’s system. He had lots of practice in pushing past that point and that’s what he did, but he knew he was going to sleep for an absurd amount of time. He couldn’t wait.

“Oh my God,” Liz said as she walked outside, coming up behind Isobel who was already heading towards Michael. He all but collapsed against her. “I’m gonna go get the guys and we’ll help you unload it, oh my God.”

“In the next couple of days, we’ll go do a gas run so we can keep it going. But for right now, it should last a couple of days,” Alex said proudly.

“You’re a fucking genius, Alex,” Liz praised. Michael heard the smack of a cheek kiss before Liz ran back inside to get Max, Kyle, and Maria to help. He stayed firmly in Isobel’s arms, his head feeling heavier by the second.

“Are you okay?” Isobel asked, stroking his hair. He didn’t answer. She squeezed him tighter.

When Alex’s fingers gently touched the small of his back, he jumped.

“Sorry,” Alex said softly, “If you wanna go inside and lay down, we can take care of it. I know… I know you’re probably tired.”

“Yeah, go lay down,” Isobel agreed, pressing a kiss to the side of his head before gently pushing him away. She forced a smile and patted his cheek. He was too drained to reciprocate and simply took the offer he was given.

It was hard to describe how mentally fucked he felt just from thinking Alex had disappeared for thirty minutes. He assumed he probably would’ve felt that way if any of his group had disappeared, but it had happened so fast that it was basically emotional whiplash. His body weighed 50lbs heavier because of it.

Michael laid in bed for what felt like an hour, listening to his friends all talk and discuss how to get it out of the truck and where to put it and how they’ll use it. He heard them discuss that it’s probably best that they save it for purely showers and mass cooking once a week.

“What about coffee?”

“Oh, fuck, we can have real coffee again.”

“Okay, we can spare enough for coffee.”

“Fine, fine, bathing, a full meal, and coffee.”

Michael felt guilty he wasn’t down there helping, but his body felt like dead weight. He was also logical enough that the guilt stemmed from the still heavy feeling in his gut. That knowledge didn’t make him feel any less guilty.

Everyone came back inside eventually, the soft patter of feet and the hum of voices that filled the bottom floor comforting him. He laid in a ball on his bed, still completely clothed down to his shoes still being securely on his feet. However, the thump in his chest was calm and he was able to lay partially comatose in bed.

“Hey,” Alex’s voice said softly as the door creaked open. Michael didn’t have it in him to turn around completely, but he stretched out his leg to show he was awake and listened. The door closed and Alex walked further inside. “I reset the well pump and the water heater. We should have hot, running water in about twenty minutes. Everyone agreed that we should get the first ones since we found it.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed, still not opening his eyes. Then the bed shifted and Alex began pulling the shoes off Michael’s feet. 

“I’m genuinely sorry. I didn’t even think that you’d notice I was gone. We were already on completely opposite sides of the store and I saw that fucking tank outside and it reminded me of the base. I knew they had a generator and I knew where it was, so I went to see if anyone already took it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first, I really didn’t think you’d notice,” Alex explained, peeling the socks off Michael’s feet, “But… thank you for noticing. I’m sorry I stressed you out and basically gave you a fucking panic attack and drained you, but I’m not sorry that I realized you care about me. Sorry that it took that much for me to notice, but… I’m kinda stupid when it comes to stuff like that.”

“It’s okay,” Michael said, his stomach tensing for a completely different reason, “I just need a nap.”

“Yeah, but,” Alex said softly. Suddenly, he was higher up on the bed and his fingers pressed into Michael’s hip. “Don’t you want a warm shower?”

“You can take one first,” Michael said. Alex laughed a breathy little laugh.

“You’re kinda stupid about noticing somethings too,” he said. That was enough to get him to open his eyes and look over his shoulder at Alex. His face was worn and tired and covered in stubble, but his eyes were kind and his smile was soft. Alex pinched his hip gently. “Come shower with me.”

“What?” Michael asked, suddenly far more awake than any amount of caffeine could’ve made him. Alex smiled even wider.

“Save water, save electricity,” Alex suggested, shrugging his shoulder as if this wasn’t a massive thing.

“I thought you… I thought  _ we… _ ” Michael said. Alex sighed softly.

“We don’t know when this is going to stop or if it’s ever going to stop. Being here in this house is the calmest I’ve seen it. I feel like I’m wasting time not being with you and… Well, I feel like we’ve already gotten close enough to be a fucking hindrance towards each other, so why not go all the way?” Alex explained. Michael turned around to face him, his heart pounding in his chest all over again. “If you want, obviously. I don’t wanna push.”

“You want me?” he asked, ignoring how stupid he felt saying it.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind it,” he laughed, his hand laying on Michael’s cheek, “Obviously, normal relationship roles are a little arduous right now, but I would like to be with you in, like, a non-stressful way if that’s possible. If it doesn’t work, I don’t want it to cost us our lives, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Michael said, nodding.

“So, um… Shower?”

“Yes. Yes, please, yes,” Michael agreed. Alex smiled, scraping his nails over Michael’s scalp.

The plus side to being in the master bedroom was that they didn’t have to broadcast shit as they slipped into the bathroom. Alex turned on the shower and watched patiently as it took a few seconds for the well pump to make it all the way to the second-floor bathroom. When it started pouring, slowly picking up water pressure, Alex smirked and raised an eyebrow at him.

Michael gulped but welcomed Alex into his space against the counter. Alex breathed slow and leaned in, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. His eyes fell closed and he unwrapped his arms from around himself to, instead, put them around Alex. 

A soft hum buzzed in his throat as Alex’s cold fingertips slipped beneath his shirt. Everything seemed to move slowly as they undressed one another, shirts first before working on jeans. Alex stripped him of all his knives very carefully. They were both standing in nothing but briefs once the bathroom filled with steam.

“Is this okay? This isn’t too fast?” Alex asked. Michael managed a little smile and shook his head, his nose bumping against Alex’s.

“What’s too fast when the world could end tomorrow?”

“You’ve got me there, love,” Alex whispered, sending a shiver up Michael’s spine without any warning. Alex pushed his thumb beneath the waistband of Michael’s briefs. “Let’s not waste any water.”

Kissing Alex while naked under a steady stream of hot water was unparalleled. In fact, he almost felt normal. As long as Alex was kissing him, there was no apocalypse. Everyone was alive, the crops were thriving, he was happy. 

“I still need a nap,” Michael whispered in the middle of it all. Alex snickered and shook his head, grabbing a bottle of shampoo.

“We’ll nap soon, I promise,” he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss over his heart before using his fingers to untangle Michael’s hair. When he began washing it, Michael felt blessed.

“You’ll nap with me?”

“I would love to.”

Michael loved him, plain and simple, and, even though he wasn’t sure why he deserved this, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

-

_ "Survival of the fittest, Alex," Alex grumbled to himself as he looked over the disaster plan his father had somehow required, "As military men, we're trained to survive." _

_ Three weeks had passed since things went to shit and Alex couldn't remember why he hated his childhood so much. This was worse than anything back then. Now, his father seemed borderline insane, but what could he say? Alex couldn't tell him no whenever he was the one keeping him alive. _

_ “Son.” _

_ Instinct and fear snapped Alex’s body at attention, chin up and shoulders back as he faced his father who came through the door of the bunker. However, his father was the one that didn’t seem to be all there. His eyes were half-lidded and his face was pale, face dotted with sweat. His hand was clasped around his forearm and his body weakened, falling against the door frame. _

_ “Dad?”  _

_ Jesse took a deep, heavy breath. Which is when Alex noticed the blood. _

_ “Is that…” Alex trailed off. Jesse huffed again. _

_ “I’m fine. Don’t worry, it was just a scratch,” Jesse said, nodding slowly. His hand slipped down just enough for Alex to see that it was indeed much more than a scratch. It was a scratch from one of them. _

_ Alex smiled. _

_ “Wipe that look off your face before I do it for you,” Jesse snapped, ever the hateful man despite the scratch. Alex nodded and did as he was told, but he could feel the excitement pulsing through his veins. He knew it was wrong, he really did, but he couldn’t help it. This was it. There was no getting out of this. A few more hours and the years and years of torture would be over. _

_ So Alex sat like the good man he was. He gave his father water and cover him up when he was cold. Alex waited. He waited until Jesse Manes passed out and then waited a little longer to hear him take his last breath. Then he smiled again. _

_ With machete in hand, Alex paced in front of the couch. He knew any moment now would be his moment. The moment. A borderline hysterical giggle bubbled out of him at the thought. It was going to be over. It was going to be over. _

_ It was almost an hour to the minute whenever that low, guttural sound came from Jesse Manes’ body. For a minute, it had Alex convinced that he’d survived. Leave it to him to be the one to survive. But he wasn’t. He was dead. Really, really dead. _

_ “Nice try, Dad,” Alex said. _

_ He didn’t have it in him to care whenever his father’s head was so bashed in that it became one with the couch cushions, nor did he care when he dropped the disaster plan in the trash on his way out. Fuck it. _

_ He could survive on his own. _

_ - _

Michael woke up to being squeezed gently and fingers threading through his chest hair. A body was pressed up behind his, touching him head to toe with a nose pressed into his neck so he could feel them breathing. No kisses, no ulterior motives, just…  _ this _ .

"Alex," Michael murmured, stretching his legs out. 

Alex scratched over his chest gently, taking a deep breath. His knee slowly wedged between Michael's thighs and locking them together with a foot to his shin. Michael smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this comfortable.

"We should probably get up soon," Alex whispered against his neck. 

"No," Michael whined. Alex laughed softly and gave him a little squeeze. He didn't know the words to give that would explain how he never wanted to move. They lived in a word where every day could go horribly wrong. He wanted to soak up every calm, sweet moment he could. "Never."

"We'll have to eat eventually."

"Kiss me?” Michael asked instead. With a small laugh, Alex pushed himself over Michael’s shoulder to just that.

Slowly, slightly clumsily, they got Michael on his back with Alex hovering above him and kissing him senseless. There was something weirdly romantic about not having a single knife strapped to him and being kissed like they had all the time in the world. He traced a finger up and down Alex’s spine and wondered if it felt just as special to him.

“Who’s the last guy you were with?” Michael asked against his lips. Alex didn’t pull too far away, their noses still touching.

“Oh, we’re going there? Okay, uh… His name was Tank Cahill,” Alex informed him. Michael sputtered a laugh.

“ _ Tank?  _ You slept with someone named Tank _?  _ Please tell me your kidding,” Michael laughed. Alex joined him, shaking his head.

“God, I wish I was. Guy had a big ego and nothing to show for it,” Alex said, “What about you? Who was the last person you hooked up with?”

“Um… Fuck, I don’t remember,” Michael laughed, “Too long.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere, so…” Alex promised, tracing his knuckle over Michael’s jaw. It urged him to close his eyes which simply got him kissed again. Despite everything, this was _good_. This was normal in the best way.

“Good.”

Stupidly and embarrassingly, the relationship he managed to create with Alex in the middle of a goddamn apocalypse might’ve been the healthiest one he’d ever had. They talked, ate dinner together, worked together without problems. There was honesty, there was trust, there was family. 

“Told you,” Maria sang softly, hip checking him as she passed him with a basket of corn that she, Liz, and Isobel had gathered from the field. 

“Told me what?” Michael asked, but he was already smiling. Isobel’s arms snaked around him from behind.

“That you and Alex are madly in love,” Isobel said. Michael’s eyes widened and tried to look at her, which was hard when her head was leaning on the back of his. 

“Uh, I recall saying that you guys should bang, but close enough. Point is, I was right,” Maria mused.

“You guys are actually the worst,” Michael laughed. Two hands pressed to each one of his cheeks. One belonged to Isobel and the other was Liz’s.

“Oh, he’s blushing!” Liz cooed. He had to shake them off to keep them from squeezing his cheeks too hard. But he couldn’t help the smile on his face. “You really like him, huh?”

“Will you guys stop?” he asked. The prodding and laughter that followed felt like a resounding ‘ _ no’.  _ “C’mon, it’s not that serious.”

“Uh, I disagree. Alex doesn’t even sleep in the attic at all anymore, haven’t even seen him go up there in like two weeks,” Maria pointed out.

“So? We’re adults.”

“Adults who go to bed early and sleep in to have the maximum amount of gooey time,” Isobel said with a baby voice. Michael laughed a little harder.

“We’re just… good. We’re good together. I think we’re just… good. Good, good, good,” Michael listed. The cooing continued.

“I can’t believe you’re so happy during hell,” Isobel mused. Michael sighed, dropping his knife to turn around to face them.

“Look, I haven’t seen a fucker in days, I’m eating good, I have a family, and a hot guy in my bed. Life is arguably better than before,” Michael admitted. He liked the way they smiled at him.

“It has been pretty good,” Liz noted.

“Honestly, I’ve been getting kinda bored,” Isobel sighed, “You, Alex, and Liz are the only ones that go out into town. Max and Kyle and Alex and Maria hunt. I do laundry and cook and… that’s it. I’m a depressing housewife even long after gender roles don’t matter.”

“If you wanna come hunting with us, I’m sure we could show you the ropes,” Maria suggested. Isobel scrunched up her nose.

“No, I don’t wanna kill anything,” she insisted. Michael huffed a laugh.

“Okay, well, what do you wanna do? Because there’s nothing really super fun to do anymore,” Michael pointed out. She sighed dramatically.

“Couldn’t we, like, I don’t know, go into town and get a board game or something? I’m so bored,” Isobel pouted. Michael took a deep breath.

“Yeah, me ‘n Alex will head out in the morning,” he decided. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“I wanna come.”

“Izzy…”

“No, I wanna come. I want to get out of this damn house for a change.”

“It’s dangerous out there,” Liz tried. Isobel groaned.

“You go. You’ve all gone! Everyone else has left this place except for me. I’ve been here since this whole thing started,” she complained.

Michael sighed and exchanged a look with both Liz and Maria. “Fine, I’ll talk to Alex and Kyle.”

“Why Kyle? He isn’t the boss of me,” Isobel said.

“Yeah, but he’s your boy-whatever and I’m sure he’d like to come,” Michael pointed out. She scrunched up her nose but nodded.

“Fine. I’m excited!”

After an annoying logic-talk with Alex, Kyle, and Isobel after dinner, they decided they would leave in the morning, head to the Walmart in town, and grab a few games and see what else they could find for entertainment. Considering Michael, Alex, and Liz had killed most of the fuckers there, it felt like a safe place to go. Besides, Isobel was right. It was getting boring. Not really for Michael since he Alex as entertainment, but for everyone else. The thought made him feel so ridiculous that he had to fight a smile.

“What are you smiling at?” Alex asked softly as they headed up the stairs. 

“Nothing,” Michael said, “I just feel lucky.”

Which is how Michael ended up pressed against the door and warm hands grabbing at his hips.

“I don’t know what I did, but I promise to do it again,” Michael said, a helpless giggle fumbling out of him as Alex pressed in harder.

Alex flipped the lock of the bedroom door and slowly began leading him to the bed. He fell back onto the mattress, smiling up at the ceiling as Alex crawled on top of him. Those painfully skilled fingers danced up his chest and the heels of his hands pressed beneath his collarbones.

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone,” Alex said randomly. Michael marveled up at him and grabbed his thighs, rubbing gently as he thought.

It took a moment to think of a good something and, staring up at Alex, he felt safe enough to say whatever. Besides, the outside world was fucked. What else mattered other than this?

“I actually met my mom,” he said. Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “Remember how I said my parents gave me up when I was a baby? I usually just tell people I’ve never met them, but I actually found my mom whenever I was 16 and homeless.”

“What happened?” Alex asked softly. Michael shrugged.

“She basically fucking ran the other way.”

Alex fell off his lap to lay beside him, leg still strewn across his hips. “Fuck.”

“It’s fine, I don’t really care. I already knew she didn’t want me. Besides, it’s how I even came to this town in the first place and found that the Elms’ were looking for a live-in farmhand. Was a blessing in disguise,” Michael said. Alex gave a little smile and put his hand on Michael’s cheek, his thumb grazing over his lips.

“You are the most positive person I know.”

“You tell me that too often.”

With a shrug, Alex gave him a soft and slow kiss. It ended with him nudging his nose against his. “My dad hit me.”

That took all the smiles out of Michael and he looked at him with worried eyes, his hand stilling against Alex’s waist. While Michael had suffered a lot at the hands of many assholes in his life, the idea of it being his biological parent sounded so much worse. 

“Oh my God, Alex, are you okay?” 

Alex let out a soft laugh, rolling his eyes. “I’m fine, it was years ago. My dad’s gone so it doesn’t matter.”

“It always matters, that shit sticks with you,” Michael pointed out. Alex’s hand never left his cheek even as he sighed.

“Which is why I told you. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but I didn’t know how to. So… there it is,” Alex said. Michael frowned and nudged his nose against Alex’s.

“You can tell me anything.”

“Anything?”

_“Anything.”_

“Apocalypse Now is a pretty bad movie,” Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes, but it was enough to get a smile out of him.

“But Marlon Brando is good in everything.”

“We aren’t talking about him,” Alex corrected, leaning forward and giving him a kiss, “God, that feels good to get off my chest. The thing about my dad, not Marlon Brando.”

“Yeah, I figured that out,” Michael mused, “Thank you for telling me.”

“Yeah, I kinda love you, so I figure it’s worth it,” Alex said in the most nonchalant tone that Michael almost missed it. He propped himself up on his elbow.

“You love me?”

“Kinda,” Alex teased, smiling even bigger now.

_“Kinda,”_ Michael mocked, his heart swelling in his chest. He felt light-headed, but that didn’t matter because he was with Alex and that was all that fucking mattered. “I kinda love you too.”

“Good.”

Yes, this was definitely better than things were before.

-

"Can't we just never move?"

"Sorry, but no."

Still, Alex rolled on top of Michael and slowly kissed him and kissed him and kissed him until it didn't take any effort to open his eyes. Oh, how lovely life would be if this was it? It made him wish that Mrs. and Mr. Elms’ were still alive so he could show them how he found someone all by himself. He wanted Alex to get showered in all the love they gave him. 

“Wake up!” Isobel shouted from the other side of the door, slamming her fists against it. Michael groaned and threw his head back while Alex just laughed against his chest.

“We’re up!” he called, “We’ll be out in a minute!”

“Hurry! I want to leave!” Isobel added. Groaning, Michael complied.

The two of them dressed relatively quickly, making sure to have easy access to their weapons and flashlights just in case. Michael was in the middle of choosing a good-sized bag whenever Alex got on his knees and began strapping Michael’s sheath to his shin for him. His mind filled with comments to make but decided to say none of them in case it made him stop. There was something weirdly sexy about that one little act. Not as sexy as when Alex was actually sharpening his knives, but close.

Eventually, they were ready to leave, but Alex stopped him before he could walk out of the door. He grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and kissed him like it might be the last.

“What was that for?” Michael asked.

“Just in case. I love you.” 

Michael smiled. “I love you too.”

Alex, Michael, Kyle, and Isobel all squished themselves into the truck. Isobel had suggested taking Max’s SUV because it was larger, but Michael said that he knew his truck best and they would need that in case of a sticky situation. They found that hard to argue that.

Then they were off.

The drive to town was quiet just like it always was. Or, it would’ve been, but Isobel kept trying to find things to talk about as if to prove just how bored she was. Alex’s fingernails dug into Michael’s thigh as a very silent promise that he would kill her if she didn’t shut up.

“Izzy, look, we’re just gonna go in, grab a few things, and get out. I don’t want to be out here longer than I have to. I don’t want to be worried about you if anything happens,” Michael told her. 

“I feel like you’re being sexist.”

“We aren’t,” Kyle jumped in, thankfully, “We just all have more experience with fighting these things firsthand.”

“You keep calling them  _ things, _ ” Isobel said softly, “They’re people.”

“No, not anymore. They’re something else entirely and that mindset will get you killed,” Alex corrected. She made a noise of protest, but Alex shook his head. “I watched every man I worked with that didn’t flee turn into one of them. They’re deadly and you shouldn’t give them any sympathy. You have to be ruthless.”

Michael laced his fingers with Alex’s.

The rest of the ride into town consisted of Alex telling everything he knew about the fuckers to Isobel. He rambled off symptoms and how it took over, using his father as an example. He even included some things he hadn’t even told Michael. He hadn’t known the government had been working on a cure before shit got bad and hadn’t found one in time. Also, they apparently knew it was coming before anyone else did. Figures. 

“Basically, go for the head. That’s the only way to do it,” Alex finished as the truck pulled to a stop outside of Walmart.

“Cool, I can do that,” Isobel agreed.

“The hope is that you won’t have to,” Michael added. He turned the ignition off, but left the keys in it just in case. 

“Okay, so we just go in, find what we can, and get out. No stalling,” Kyle said. They all nodded. “Let’s go.”

Michael and Alex went in first just to scout out the front. While they had killed the ones in there before, it wasn’t impossible that another group had gotten inside. Upon further inspection, it seemed to be empty, so Isobel and Kyle entered.

“I feel like we’re on a top-secret mission,” she commented, holding onto Kyle’s arm.

“Yeah, to find you a fucking board game,” Michael snorted.

They walked further, looking around constantly as they made their way towards the toy section. Isobel made a happy little squeak and started choosing a few to bring. They all stuffed their bags and, within five minutes, they were ready to go. 

It was then and only then that they realized they were not alone.

“Go check the other isle,” Kyle whispered to Michael, jutting his head towards the sound they’d just heard. Michael nodded and slowly made his way over while the three of them froze. He held his machete out first and ever so carefully peered around the edge. His stomach sunk as he saw it was more than just one fucker. It was a ton.

“Run,” Michael said unceremoniously, “Run!”

There were too many. There was no way they could fight them all, the only solution was to run and hope for the best. They all bolted.

It was too much too fast and they somehow got separated which wasn’t good. Michael couldn’t see any of his family anywhere after a few minutes and that only proved to reignite the panic he thought he’d gotten rid of. He wanted to stop and look, but the number of fuckers just seemed to keep on  _ growing.  _ They were coming from everywhere, in all directions, and it just made no sense. 

“Alex! Isobel! Kyle!” he yelled, trying to find some way of escape. There had to be somewhere. They had to be safe somewhere.

This was too much too fast. Was the Earth simply playing a cruel trick on him? The minute he feels like everything is too good to be true, it all plummets. He finally found someone he loved,  _ people  _ he loved and people who loved him. He’d found his family and now this. They had to be okay.

He knew they would be okay. 

Michael swung his machete like it was a sword, cutting into skulls and necks and flesh. He was happy to diminish the number around him if it meant making less chaos for Isobel, Kyle, and Alex. He kept yelling to call the attention towards himself. He yelled until he was hoarse, he fought until the fuckers were climbing over their limp peers to get to him.

He’d calculated well enough that he was able to have them back him towards the bathroom. He needed to catch his breath before he fought more. With one more swing, Michael bolted into the bathroom and locked the door behind him, hoping it would hold as he was engulfed into the pitch-black room.

He leaned against the wall to catch his breath for less than a second before he heard similar panting coming from deeper inside the bathroom. He froze.

“Hello?” Michael called softly, his throat aching as he felt for his flashlight. He flicked it on and swung it around before it landed on a face.

Alex’s face.

“Oh, thank god,” Michael breathed, feeling content despite the fact that Alex looked scared and stressed and pained all at once. He walked closer, but Alex just shook his head.

“No,” he said, “No, stay away.”

“What are you talking about?” Michael asked. Alex’s bottom lip just quivered and he shook his head. And, for the second time, Michael’s stomach dropped. He slowly moved the flashlight down, down, down, before spotting the impossible-to-miss bite on Alex’s calf. His whole body froze.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, don’t worry,” Alex said, voice shaky and weak, but still Alex’s, “Just… make sure you leave before it happens, okay? I don’t want that to be the last thing you see of me.”

Michael’s throat ached from something else entirely now and tears pooled in his eyes. A cruel joke indeed. However, looking back at Alex’s face, he refused to give up. He barely had a few months with Alex. he wasn’t giving him up this easy.

“Are you showing any symptoms?” Michael asked, slowly reeling his emotions back. 

“What?” Alex breathed.

“Are you showing any symptoms? Feeling clammy, pale, lightheaded?” Michael listed, walking closer despite Alex’s warning.

“Not yet,” Alex answered slowly, “Michael, I don’t‒ There’s no cure. You can’t just‒”

“No!” Michael shot back, shaking his head. He pulled off his jacket and moved even closer, putting the flashlight in his mouth as he tied it as tight as he could right below Alex’s knee. “I am going to do whatever it takes. If you’re not showing symptoms yet, then it’s soon enough that maybe it hasn’t gotten too deep in your bloodstream.”

“Michael…” Alex said warily. Michael knelt and unstrapped the sharp, clean knife from his calf. 

“Once we get back to Kyle, he can fix the rest, but I need to get this off of you,” Michael said. It felt weird calling Alex’s leg  _ this  _ and needing it off, but his options were limited and he’d rather try his all than let Alex die like this.

“Michael,” Alex said again. Michael looked up at him.

“What?” Michael asked. He searched his face in the dim light and was beginning to think maybe Alex didn’t want to live. He waited patiently and hoped he did.

“I’m scared,” Alex admitted, his voice soft, “I don’t wanna die.” Michael gulped and nodded, grabbing Alex’s calloused hand and pressing a kiss to it. 

“Are you ready?” he asked. Alex put both hands on Michael’s shoulders to brace himself, already beginning to take labored breaths in preparation.

“No.”

“Do you trust me?” Michael decided instead, looking up to Alex one last time before he changed everything. Alex stared him in the eye without hesitation.

“Yes.”

With matching deep breaths, Michael began to cut beneath the makeshift tourniquet and tried to ignore the screaming. He had to ignore the screaming. Alex was the best thing that had ever happened to him, including all the normal years of his life. He refused to give up on that.

He refused to lose someone else.

He refused.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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